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The defense of reaction formation...🤔..Ohhh... we've all been there...or seen it! You're in a queue and the person in front is raging at the cashier and the cashier is being polite and helpful with a smile stuck to their face like glue....but you just know that everything the cashier is doing and saying is the complete opposite to how they're feeling about the person in front of them. Or perhaps it's someone in your social circle who you just don't like... and yet despite wanting to push them out of your social circle you might be extra nice to them...doing the opposite of what you're feeling inside. Maybe it's a boss, or colleague who seem to make your life unnecessarily difficult and you want to push back but it's not wise to...so you smile, grit your teeth and nod your head. We form our reactions...we display the opposite of what we feel. Sometimes it's necessary and needful...but it has it's consequences...we have to let out our negative feelings at some point for our own mental health. Feeling you need to appear positive, happy, got it together, strong...is also reaction formation...if deep inside you feel desperate, sad, weak and you're falling apart... Forming our reactions...showing the opposite of what we feel can be very handy(!) and wise... but if we use it often as a defense we can feel like we're wearing a mask...like no-one sees the real us...like they wouldn't want to because the real us is somehow unacceptable... This can cause much psychological and emotional pain...often leading to depression... If this is you please reach out to someone you trust with your true feelings... speaking out and processing our true feelings is important for our wellness and our relationships...#counselling #therapy #buxton #highpeak #psychologicaldefenses #reactionformation #hope #mentalhealthawareness #stress #depression #anxiety #mentalwellness #processingemotions #emotionalpain ... See MoreSee Less

3 days ago  ·  

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Trust is a valuable commodity...They say unforgiveness is like drinking a bottle of poison and hoping someone else will die....Do you think it takes longer to rebuild trust that's been broken than it does to trust someone in the first instance...?Trusting others with not just your "information" but your history and your failures can be hard. Trusting someone else with their failures, that they have your best interest at heart(!)...can also be hard... 🤔Trust has many depths to it... Betrayal of trust in a relationship is corrosive if it's not dealt with...So how do we develop reconciliation with someone who's hurt us...? Maybe we could start by gently speaking up! and calmly explaining the impact their actions had on us...Then it's about the person listening, understanding how they've hurt you and saying sorry for what they've done...Then showing they're sorry by changing their behaviour....and not doing it again as far as they're able...But also about giving back more than what was taken....or genuinely showing kindness, care and heartfelt love...Only when these things are done can forgiveness work to rebuild and restore that broken trust....Rebuilding trust is hard won in relationships. If it's done well the relationship may even be stronger for it...if it's not done well, often bitterness, resentment and anger festers and mistrust grows.... Relationships are hard work...good strong relationships are worth the effort... Abusive relationships are not... If you're stuggling to identify whether you should leave or keep working on a relationship ask someone who perhaps won't be biased or judgemental as to what they think... Sometimes counselling can give you this space....#counselling #trust #therapy #buxton #highpeak #relationships #buildingtrust #abuse #anxiety #depression #fear #stress #needhelp #mentalhealthawarness #reachout ... See MoreSee Less

5 days ago  ·  

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Wouldn't it be amazing if we had no problems!!......if everything in life went the way we wanted it to and the world "went our way"...? It's not possible though is it..🤔Is the opposite true though? That life is nothing but hard work, problems, pain and difficulties? Splitting or black and white thinking is another psychological defense. The idea of things, people, life...being good or bad, one or the other.... It helps us group things, box things or categorise things and enables our minds to cope with stress or pain.But perhaps black and white thinking isn't particularly useful... People do have good and bad in them, circumstance often have good parts and not so good parts...there are positives and negatives in everything....The art of living is perhaps living with the difficulties, the problems and hurt and living well!Appreciating the good in people and circumstances whilst navigating the difficulties...or..."dancing in the rain"...easier said than done....?Often when our minds are in pain we have black and white thinking... perhaps thinking very negatively of ourselves and positively of others...or the other way around...or perhaps like everyone else's life is amazing and ours isn't...or maybe no one works as hard as me or has the problems I have... everyone else is fine...Counselling can often challenge the way we see the world around us and lend a new perspective... building our self confidence and sense of self worth, helping create stronger relationships with others.#counselling #challenge #defenses #emotionalpain #therapy #highpeak #buxton #stress #anxiety #depression #relationships #mentalheathawareness ... See MoreSee Less

1 week ago  ·  

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Denial is a psychological defence we use to prevent psychological pain.The phrase "they're in denial" is quite a common expression. It might be used about someone by an observer... perhaps in a joking way(!)...but maybe an angry way or an exasperated way...or an, "I give up" kind of way.We perhaps all use denial to a certain extent... We might use denial when we eat too much food, or not enough food, drink too much alcohol, buy things we can't afford, have a stressful job which negatively impacts us.... Denial may also be used when our finances are getting worse....when we know we're being used by someone...when we're in an abusive relationship....when we're grieving for someone or something ...when we don't want to do something that's necessary....because it's hard... The difficulty of denial is it keeps us stuck... We may know something's off, or not right, but perhaps a part of us is so scared we can't deal with the problem so we don't admit it's a problem. We chose not to see the reality in front of us...we prefer to live in denial, like a parallel universe that is real to us but it's not actually reality...this "parallel universe" protects us from emotional pain...but the reality is...it's prolonging the pain...Often we can only see things when we are ready to see them......And that only happens when we're feeling strong enough to see them...and feel able to cope with the pain that comes with them. Building up someone's confidence and trust can help them come "out of denial" much better than pointing out the problem they just cannot see.... being a friend to people who struggle with this rather than a "judge" is perhaps what they need...#counselling #therapy #buxton #highpeak #relationships #denial #beafriend #depression #anxiety #stress #gethelp #abuse #grief #emotionalpain #kindness ... See MoreSee Less

1 week ago  ·  

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"Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks! It's going be a bumpy ride!" Says the Shrunken Head to Harry Potter on the knight bus...I wonder if it's like this for you just now...🤔...a little like...we keep hitting bumps in the road... Perhaps we feel jolted and thrown about as we collide with "bump after bump" of more and more difficult news...Every time we just about recover from the last bump and jolt...we hit another!..and another...I'll spare you the idea of "let's build resilience" and look at the positives because it might be hard to see them just now... So how do we look after ourselves when we hit problem after problem and we're jostled and hurt and had enough... Time out...is often a good idea. Whatever that looks like for you. Safeguard your time out to "get your head together"... perhaps shut out social media or the news...maybe do a hobby or spend time sitting reading about fantasy worlds.. whatever is your thing to "get away".Prioritising time for our minds to recover from all the difficult news and instability is paramount to being able to absorb and deal with the next bump in the road....one bump at a time....#Harrypotter #counselling #therapy #selfcare #worldproblems #help #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #stress #fear #reachout #buxton #highpeak #health ... See MoreSee Less

2 weeks ago  ·  

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Secrets of therapy....🤔 There are many forms of counselling/therapy... CBT, person centred, EMDR, hypnotherapy, solution focus therapy, systems therapy etc.. do they work?...The NHS prefers CBT therapy because it can quantify results and it give ready solutions to problems...but does it work long term...Sometimes different therapies can help deal with the symptoms... breathing techniques, anger management, mindfulness, certain memories....but they don't get to the root causes of the symptoms...the techniques and "tools" might just be a 'sticky plaster over the wound' so it hurts less, or gets better. Unfortunately it may then it break down again...If you've seen many counsellors you may feel like this... Sometimes the deeper work of counselling can transform a life...a personality...a relationship...the "work" can be hard...Choosing a counsellor who is right for you is important...many counsellors/therapists haven't done their own "work" on themselves and perhaps aren't as self aware as they could be, or maybe you get a vibe of stress or apathy, or even control, judgement or belittling from them, or that they assume they understand you...I apologise to you if a counsellor has ever made you feel this way. There are counsellors who are good at their work. Please, please keep looking for someone who you can work with and don't think "it's you that's the problem"...it is not.We learn everything...in our personalities, tendancies and behaviour, it came from somewhere...and we can unlearn it too...Your life can change if you get the right help and support...#counselling #therapy #selfawareness #mentalhealth awareness #depression #anxiety #stress #fear #anger #gethelp #buxton #highpeak ... See MoreSee Less

2 weeks ago  ·  

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Do you have a truce with yourself...? Or do you get angry and irritated and berate yourself...? Mental health people sometimes talk about "self compassion", which might seem like a soppy mess of weakness to some...and a pointless waste of time to others...So what's the thinking behind it? Does it mean...self pity..(?)...making excuses for yourself..(?)...does it mean the end of striving for self improvement...(?)...It means the opposite of all that... But it means instead of achieving through self punishment...you achieve through self encouragement... Behavioural scientists know that encouragement and kindness has more effective results than punishment and cruelty....So working from a foundation of "oh...why did I do that?" Or..."why did I think that"....is proven to be more effective self talk...instead of "you're just a failure because you did that, try harder.." "you're just rubbish...a bad person"...We often do and think certain things because our past circumstances have wired us that way...self compassion is about being aware of the reasons...why we do what we do...and creating that space to make a free choice, to unhook ourselves from past behaviours that are holding us back...and find new, perhaps more helpful and effective ways of being... Refusing to use the discipline of punishment and self blame......having acceptance that circumstances got us to where we are......and then using the power of compassion and encouragement to change...and move ourselves forward...is a powerhouse of opportunity.#counselling #therapy #highpeak #buxton #selfconfidence #selfcompassion #selfacceptance #movingon #leavethepastbehind #letstalk #depression #anxiety #behappy #anger ... See MoreSee Less

2 weeks ago  ·  

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Is your mental health at the bottom of your priority list just now...?In these difficult days we may find we place finance, comfort, physical health and "getting by," above our mental health...That's reasonable...isn't it....🤔Current research shows if our mental health is not good we....make poor decisions (including financial)have poor quality sleepwe increase our stress levels our ability to be comforted and calm becomes more difficultour relationships start to break downour physical health is often made worse....Our mental well-being impacts everything we do..Our mental health is necessary to navigate these difficult times...it helps us make good choices - including financial - better relationships, improves our physical health and develops the resilience we need to deal with these difficult days.What would it look like if we put our mental well-being at the top of our priority list? How effective, resilient and competent would we be in navigating the increasing difficulties we face... We can care for our mental health by doing healthy things that we enjoy, processing our emotions effectively, having self compassion and self acceptance, keeping our thoughts in the present and not ruminating on the past or the future, chatting with people about our struggles and supporting them in return... These are just a few of ways we can help ourselves become stronger to face the challenges that are ahead. #selfcompassion #selfcare #selfacceptance #bekind #ruminating #resiliance #mentalwellbeing #mentalhealthawareness #talking #beafriend #selfcomfort #relationships #therapy #counselling #highpeak #buxton #hope ... See MoreSee Less

3 weeks ago  ·  

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In a world of instability we perhaps need a safe space more than ever...We all need to feel safe, it's a fundamental human need and a need of any creature on the planet. As the world ramps up it's atmosphere of chaos and confusion we can 'catch' the extra fear of financial, political and geographical instability. We can also feel unsafe because of a person's behaviour, an illness, job or circumstance, or perhaps we feel out of control and overwhelmed by many things... Having an awareness of what calms us and gives us that safe feeling can really help...We all need a 'go to'... for comfort...to feel safe in the storms of life...A safe space could be a particular room or place, a pet, book, or game or even a person...a place where we are accepted, not judged, are free to be and not 'pretend' we've got it all together. Sometimes though the things we use to make us feel safe may actually be unhelpful and unhealthy for us... Counselling can be a safe space...a place where you're accepted, not judged and find genuine support...#counselling#safespace#calm #antianxiety #anxiety #depression #fear #stability #stressrelief #confused #mentalhealth #acceptance #peace #highpeak #buxton #panic ... See MoreSee Less

3 weeks ago  ·  

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Have we lost something...🤔Do you feel like the world is a different place than it was....10 years ago?...or pre-pandemic...?...or even a different place to this time last year...? With crazy inflation...lower incomes...wars...global warming...not to mention your own life changes.... we've all experienced loss perhaps...?Maybe it feels like the loss is still happening....it's not ending...it's getting worse...How do we process this loss and the continual loss we feel....? Perhaps you know someone who seems angry at everything...everyone...or maybe they focus their anger on politics or Putin...or something else... It's okay to be angry - if we don't hurt others... physically and emotionally -... it's how some people process loss...Perhaps you know someone who you just can't 'cheer up'...they just can't see the positives... It's okay to be sad...it's how some people process loss... Loss is hard...but the fear of more loss (energy prices, mortgage rates etc) can be harder... Talking to someone can help...they might feel like you do...🤔... Finding things you enjoy to distract you from the worry of more loss can help too...the future isn't here yet...Let's work together to keep us mentally well, making connections and being honest...reaching out if we need to...#counselling #naturephotography #mentalhealthawareness #highpeak #buxton #therapy #griefandloss #griefjourney #depression #sadness #anxiety #anger #reachout #sadness #relationships #friendship #stress #stressrelief #help #helpingothers ... See MoreSee Less

4 weeks ago  ·  

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Someone asked me how do we process our emotions....? Let's face it, sometimes we'd rather not feel some of our emotions...we might try not to feel them - we may either use addictions, distractions, defenses - we push them down, push them away, tell ourselves off for feeling them....Like water in a reservoir...our emotions rush in and collect...they gather and perhaps start filling up and pushing on the wall of the dam...when the dam wall cracks...out they pour...either in a destructive flood or perhaps in a trickle...that might we try and fix...Processing emotions is more like an emotional a river instead of an emotional dam. The emotions flow through us...we accept their arrival and know they will pass....rather than holding them in and have them build up...Accepting our emotions...is the first step to allowing them to pass...Counselling can help in this process...#highpeak #buxton #counselling #mentalhealthawareness#anxiety#depression#anger #emotion #processingemotions #lessonsfromnature #acceptance ... See MoreSee Less

4 weeks ago  ·  

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Doing good deeds for people makes you feel happier.It's a proven psychological phenomenon. Whilst walking I found these...and many more. Whoever Paul is he knows life can be excruciatingly difficult sometimes. He knows we may be in such emotional pain that thoughts of ending life become attractive. Sadly, people have jumped to their deaths in this place. Reaching out to others and doing things that bring a smile is invaluable to them and us. Paul has tried to soothe another's pain...what could you do today...?The number on the slates is the Samaritans...please call them if you need them...don't hesitate, they are here for you...❤️#counselling #suicideprevention#reachout#depression #anxiety #help #gooddeed #havefaith #mentalhealth #buxton #highpeak #smile#love ... See MoreSee Less

4 weeks ago  ·  

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What do you think about forgiveness....🤔Interestingly there is not much science on the subject compared to most aspects of psychology. I wonder if there is little research because forgiveness can be so difficult perhaps unpopular...or just wrong in some circumstances...However you feel about forgiveness the research shows that forgiving others promotes psychological and physical well-being for the forgiver...it develops emotional strength and resilience and also nurtures relationship and ability to become close to someone. Forgiveness causes the forgiver to step outside of the relationship cycle and not react as the other expects, to become unafraid and step out of constant intense anger. Now please know I am referring to forgiveness with boundaries..."I do forgive you but I'm not allowing you to do that again to me" sort of boundaries...these are often emotional boundaries as well as physical.Counselling can help untangle yourself from the past and difficult relationships...enable you to feel confident and resilient...to process emotional pain and move on...#forgiveness#love#kindness #boundaries #selfcare #mentalhealth #psychologicalhealth #relationships #protection #anxiety #depression #askforhelp #reachout #counselling #highpeak #buxton #help ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago  ·  

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Don't get highjacked by hopelessness.There are things about our world and your world which will make you feel hopeless...like nothing's going to change and it's all down hill...Don't buy into it! There is hope in the world...and your world even though you may find yourself working hard to see it. When we feel hopeless we see everything through the eyes of hopelessness...a hopelessness 'filter' or 'lense'....our mind are being highjacked... Finding positive things to think about...hopeful thoughts about a relationship or past/future success...or positive things to do that are rewarding can help our perception shift...and help us find the little wins that make life a more positive place... A stranger who you pass who smiles back...a cashier you chat to and make them feel special...a friend you reach out to because you know they're hurting. Let's make our own world a more positive and hope filled place...and pass it on to others! #counselling #therapy #depression#hopelessness #positivethoughts #anxiety #littlewins #hope #buxton #highpeak #mentalhealthawareness #givesomeoneasmile #stress #havefun #havefaith ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago  ·  

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Is being highly sensitive or socially sensitive.... a help or hindrance?A highly sensitive person often notices communications that come from another person that the person isn't aware they are communicating...It could be a slight expression or even just a slight inflection or tightness of voice...'vibes' from a person, or someone taking a deeper breath than is usual. Sometimes these cues are felt rather than consciously registered...and a highly sensitive person may not understand what they've picked up on, but they are aware they feel something's not right...just a gut feeling...This can be useful in relationships....however perhaps we might get things a little wrong and assume we are the problem when actually we aren't....It might be that the person isn't unhappy with us...but has something on their mind, is worried, anxious or frustrated with something else. We can make assumptions that might not help us...or our relationships.Being socially sensitive to others can be useful in preempting relationship problems....But what if it's our RESPONSE to those 'gut feelings' that's the important thing...to use the feelings wisely...and not assume we know the thoughts and feelings of another...Often difficult or abusive childhoods or relationships can create a social sensitivity in us that helped us in the past. It might have helped us preempt danger and escape before we were hurt, or pacify our aggressor... We needed the sensitivity then.Perhaps we don't need that hyper sensitivity now and it might be working against us..(?)🤔..and we struggle to have close relationships with others.... We may feel we're lacking in confidence in relationships or find them too difficult and don't get truly close to people. Counselling can help...#counselling #highpeak #buxton #therapy #itsgoodtotalk #relationshipproblems #sensitivepeople #depression #anxiety #feelinganxious   #lowconfidence #lowselfesteem #childhoodabuse #mentalhealthawareness#highpeak #buxton ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago  ·  

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